Joe Biden and I are bros.
Gee, I don’t know if I’m ready, Mr. Vice President — I mean, er, “Joe” — but I do know some things:
- Since I’m pretty sure you and I are not on first-name terms, and since I respect your office as well as your decades of public service, I’m going to go ahead and stick with “Mr. Vice President.” Wouldn’t be awful if you did the same with me (“Mr. Burbank” will do — Lord knows I’ve never held elective office — nor am I the Vice President!).
- You may be unaware of this fact, but I can confirm that I am definitively not on first-name terms with the President. Your predilection for mis-speaking aside, it’s pretty egregious for you to try and make us ‘bros’ when he’s not even part of the conversation.
- This is the really important point, so please pay it some heed: I give your re-election campaign $10 a month on a recurring basis. It would be great if, in the future, some of that money was spent on developing slightly more sophisticated spreadsheet management — like, for example separating out one-time donors from recurring ones. I know we killed NASA, but c’mon — Rocket Science this ain’t.
Go get ‘em, Bub.
Sincerely,
Me
